16 Dating Tips for My Girls

Reference: Joshua 1-6
Reference: Joshua 1-6

As someone who feels completely inadequate to be giving dating advice- I’m like, “Lord, really? Me? Write this? Are you sure?” But I adore the high school girls that the Lord has put in my life- so I’m writing this for them because I kind of wish someone would have taped these things to my forehead from like age 14 to now. I still need to hear them, I still need to be reminded of the Lord’s goodness, faithfulness, and providence. I still need to be asked…

“Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your saviour, your guide? If He is, you don’t need to search any further for security.” -Elisabeth Elliot

If I could tell my girls anything, it’s that you are so loved by the Lord. My prayer for you is Ephesians 3:14-19…

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

When it comes to practical advice for dating or determining who you should date, here’s what I’ve got for you– which has been learned not from doing everything right- but doing a lot of things wrong and discovering the inexplicable joy and grace of Christ…

1. “The heart is deceitful above all else.” –Jeremiah 17:9

2.”For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7

3. Beware of the lust of the flesh and emotional relationships. 1 John 2:15-17 & 2 Corinthians 10:5

4. Don’t be unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14

5. A guy saying he is a Christian isn’t enough. Are the fruits of the Spirit evident in his life? Galatians 5:22

6. You shouldn’t have to look super hard to see the fruits of the Spirit in his life…If you can’t see them, it’s not that they’re hidden- they’re not there. Matthew 5:14-16

7. Guys should lead. Give them the chance to show you that they will do this by allowing them to pursue you. 1 Timothy 2:12-13

8. If a guy truly likes you, he will take the initiative. (Check out the story of Jacob and Rachel. Homeboy was willing to work 14 years for this girl- crazy. I’m not saying that the story of Jacob and Rachel should be the standard for relationships. I’m just saying- guys are willing to endure a lot to get the woman they want. And ladies, you’re worth fighting for. John 3:16)

9. If a guy doesn’t pursue you, he’s not the one God has for you right now. Psalm 27:14

10. Guys who are front and center on stage might look good- but it’s the men who are willing to work diligently in the background- without recognition that are gems. Humble servants. Philippians 2:5-8

11. The best relationships are formed on a foundation of friendship. John 15:12-15

12. Don’t make things happen. When women force what they want, it does not turn out well…Oh hey Eve. Genesis 3:1-7

13. Affirm and encourage men. Appreciate them for who they are, not who you want them to be. 1 Thessalonians 5:4-11

14. Point men toward Christ and encourage them in godliness. Psalm 37:23

15. You may have to make lifestyle changes in order to protect your heart and not be tempted to lust after men or engage in emotional relationships. Matthew 5:29

16. God is more than enough. Acts 17:28

Bonus: God has a plan for your life- don’t be caught in the trap of thinking that your life will start once you’re married. God wants to use you right now. He’s given you certain gifts and abilities- and the freedom to pursue those things! Enjoy life. Make a difference for Him. Ephesians 2:10

 “I will extol the Lord at all times. His praise will always be on my lips.” –Psalm 34:1

What do you think? Would you add anything to this?  

12 thoughts on “16 Dating Tips for My Girls

  1. 1) the 3rd floor got to hear how funny I thought that someecard’s photo is
    2) elisabeth elliot?! what are they doing to you in FL? is that the sound of growing appreciation i hear?

    1. Bahaha! Sophie!! 1.) I love Christian pick up lines and I miss our apartment and I miss you. I wish I could have heard your laugh too:) 2.) Mrs. Elliot (not to be confused with Missy Elliot) was quoted in a book I read recently– and I thought it was a great quote! I couldn’t find the one I was looking for- but I found this one. I think I may have to give Passion and Purity another chance… :)

      1. haha i miss you too! come baaaaaaack — our beach weather is back too :) i am not very much fun at the moment. i had a second round job interview (yay!!) that gave me homework! so i am hiding in my room finishing my homework. let’s have a P&P book club

  2. So great. I disciple the middle and highschoolers at my church and I love this so much. Some of these are things I’ve told them (yay confirmation) and some are new that I will definitely pass on to them as well as hold in my own heart.

    Also, because I ‘eavesdropped’ on your other comments, Elisabeth Elliot is phenomenal and you should definitely give P&P a read. As a single 23 year old, Elisabeth Elliot has probably been the most influential woman in my walk with God, and I’ve never even met her.

    This is my first time on your blog, but I’m so encouraged! Praying God blesses your walk with Him in ways that blow your mind!

    1. Hi Sophie! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. I’m so encouraged by your heart for middle and high schoolers—thank you for discipling them! I’m sure you are making a huge impact on their lives!

      I once read Passion & Purity- and I don’t think my heart was in a very good place- so I didn’t particularly like it. However, I think it was more me not wanting to hear hard truth and less Elisabeth Elliot. I will def check her out again!

      Most of all- thank you for your prayers! May the Lord continue to bless you with joy and peace as you grow closer to Him- and may you walk in the power of the Holy Spirit, embracing all the good works God has prepared in advance for you to do!

  3. Katie, you’ve got your work cut out for you working with young women. It is though. I’m so glad you posted this. I feel, this was the most important topic from my youth leader days. And the most frustrating because they never took your word for it–spent a lot of time praying for my girls’ then (on this topic). God bless you. You have lots of wisdom and gentleness, I wish I had. <3

    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement Bets!! This is certainly a difficult topic. I would have pretty much scoffed at this entire list when I was in high school— I was super stubborn:) Probably still am— but the Lord is so gracious to us! All glory to Him! Miss you:)

  4. Thank you for sharing this, it is so true and I am able to look at the Bible differently through you. I am truly amazed at how I look at this so much more closer and it has so much meaning to the words you shared. I had to print this so I could keep reading it and memorize it.

    1. Thank you for reading Kathie. It’s so cool to hear that you are encouraged- which encourages me to continue writing. All glory to God who deserves unending praise for who He is. Happy Easter Kathie!

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