I was talking with a friend recently about the difficulty of letting Christian guys know that we’re interested and how hard it is to navigate… like how do we show that we’re interested without throwing ourselves at them? She said, “I wish guys knew how helpless we feel.” I don’t know if she used the word “helpless” but like trapped…
And then, I had coffee with a non-Christian guy and he was so chivalrous, or at least I felt like he was. He insisted on paying, was just super considerate, took time to sit and chat with me and I just felt like he genuinely cared. Sometimes, I feel like there are very few Christian guys that sincere…
So, I enlisted the help of my friend Tracy Edwards. Tracy is an aspiring actress and writer, currently working on her book, Treasured Moments: God’s Faithfulness as Seen Through the Eyes of an Aspiring Actress. I adore her writing style, admire her honesty and would just like to say “what she said” to the following… :)
What I wish guys knew…
1) how little they have to do to woo us. Not that I want their goal to be to do as little as possible, but it seems they think they have to do SO MUCH or have SO MUCH TOGETHER before they can show any direct interest; when really a simple email or phone call asking how we are, or a kind word of encouragement can mean a ton and seriously melt our hearts. (This is also a note to guys that are not interested in us, to let them know why we might fall head over heels when all they were doing was trying to be nice, ha ha.)
2) Be humble! One thing that’s awesome about not having everything perfectly together, is that it gives you a chance to SHOW it. Show you are human and broken and need God. That is so attractive to me. Sidenote: Insecurity is not attractive. But security in Christ in the midst of your failings is a HUGE eye-catcher.
3) In small contradiction to Point #1 – Please do not continue to do these little woo-ing things forever without ever directly telling us you are interested romantically. One of my most amazing moments with a guy was when I had just met him at an event, and we ended up talking for hours and then hanging out with his friends for hours after, and then right after that before we parted ways, he said, “Can I take you out on a date?” Ahhh! Forwardness. Gentleman-ness. Old school language like “date.” That is way effective.
4) If you don’t understand us, ask! Women love to be asked questions, especially about themselves. That’s probably why we ask you so many questions, because we assume you like it as much as we do.
5) Be honest. Not just in your words but in your actions. What is your intent with us? Why are you emailing us so much, inviting us to so many parties / events, smiling your winning smile near us? If you are not interested in a serious way or are not in a dating place in your life, please show that by your actions as well as your words. i.e. If you are only interested in being friends but then continue to shower us with attention, we will probably fall in love with you. And that’s really not cool if we are just one of the many girls you attend to and/or if you’re just doing it to get your “girl-high” for the night. (Sorry if this sounds harsh. We do it too, so I could just as well say I’m frustrated with the whole human species for this.)
The only thing I [Katie] would add to this is- guys, we’d love it if you were praying for us. I don’t mean to generalize- but I guess I’ll just go for it – as women, we’re a hot mess. And honestly, this is something we could probably do better at as well- praying for our brothers in Christ. I’m thankful for you guys despite the craziness that sometimes ensues:)
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” -Ephesians 6:18
At the end of the day, I think a sense of humor goes a long way. :)
Stay tuned for a word from some men… I’m trying to be fair here:) I’ve asked a couple guys if they have anything they’d like women to know. All genders, feel free to leave your thoughts below! :)