My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
I have known two things about myself since elementary school. I wanted to be either a teacher or a writer.
At this point in my life, I’m neither of those things in a technical sense, or in a professional sense. Disappointing? On one hand, yes. It has been hard to give up those dreams, to let go of who I thought I was and who I hoped I was going to be. It was hard to face failure.
Failure according to my own expectations and hopes.
It’s still hard to let go of my dreams of writing success at times. The thought of writing something that reaches hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions is exciting. And yet, I’ve learned that this idea of success – selling thousands of copies of a book and being adored by thousands more – is like trying to grab an armful of snowflakes in a blizzard. Number one, you look foolish chasing snowflakes swirling around you. Number two, any that you might be able to grab or more likely that just happened to land on you, will disappear the moment you step inside.
Flashy success is fleeting and ultimately, leaves you feeling empty because it is nearly impossible to sustain.
So if I’m not chasing my idea of success anymore, what am I hoping to do?
Less flashy and exciting, perhaps. But, so much more dependable and fulfilling.
Being faithful to the Lord, living how He’s called me to – not necessarily in doing crazy huge things for Him, but being faithful in my everyday tasks, in the quiet things, in the seemingly small things… I find that incredibly challenging, yet do-able through Christ and beautiful all at the same time now.
I realized all this after recently messaging a friend who is on an entrepreneurial journey. He mentioned one of his fears, and in response the following words came flowing out:
Biggest thing support raising/Cru/life/God has taught me is that – you do you faithfully and the rest is up to the Lord. Also, one thing I learned with writing is that I can’t do it for the responses I get. I have to do it b/c I enjoy it and if other people like it too that’s just a bonus. But there will always be highs and lows as far as people’s interest.
After sending it, I paused.
I do believe that. I’ve been able to start living that way… and there is so much freedom knowing that my honor depends on God. He is my rock. My refuge.
Thank you Lord for giving me the joy of living for you and for showing me a better way.